Hello there. My name is Mr. Bigglesworth. I like to go to concerts, parties, and long walks on the beach. I like the long walks on the beach the best because I don’t have to wear a shirt.
But that does not matter, because I don’t have to wear a shirt anywhere if I don’t want to.
But a lot of places don’t like it when a man of my size and stature does not wear a shirt. I’ve gone to many places and have been treated poorly in terms of service, and I really wish that professional places would look at my flabby skin and realize that it is a pure thing of beauty.
I dare you to be this fat!
Here’s some of the places I’ve gone to, and the response I’ve received:
McDonalds – NO SHIRT! NO DIET COKE!
7-11 – NO SHIRT! NO SLURPEE!
Church – NO SHIRT! NO SALVATION!
Hospital for weight management – NO SHIRT! NO MEATLESS HOT DOGS TO TRICK YOU INTO EATING HEALTHY!
Art class at community college – NO SHIRT! NO ONE WANTS TO DRAW YOU ANYWAY!
Comcast to pay my bill in person – NO SHIRT! NO FREE SKINEMAX HBO!
Ted’s Pizza Parlor – NO SHIRT…and extra pepperoni please.
Train station – NO SHIRT! NO WHOLE ROW OF SEATS!
Airport – NO SHIRT! NO FREE RIDE AS LUGGAGE TO CANCUN!
Home Depot – NO SHIRT! NO HAMMER TO SMASH SELF IN FACE WITH!
Pep Boys – NO SHIRT! NO TIRE CHANGE FOR BELLY!
Taco Bell – NO SHIRT! NO FAKE MEAT!
{ 0 comments… add one now }