Making a more meaningful fake endings to a fake unbelievable movie only makes the movie better. This opens Pandora’s box on how other movies should have ended. I got a whole list of fake movie endings in my head. In fact, I wish I was an animator because then I could create my own awesome videos for Youtube, collect a million dollars in royalties, and stop working at the Puerto Rican car wash that doesn’t even clean rims and I get blamed for being the Caucasian!
Let’s discuss some points of interest in other cool movies.
- Transformers Dark of the Moon – Shia obviously breaks a bone every time Optimus Prime or another Autobot catches him as he falls from a building. Are you telling me that Shia has a skeleton like Wolverine? Because if you fell from a building, and landed in the right hand of Optimus Prime, don’t you think your landing would be a little rough? People fall from a tree house and snap a leg, but this kid falls 30 feet into a metal palm and he’s OK? I can’t sit here and think, “wow, Optimus has such a soft touch!”
- Twilight – for some reason, no one ever notices how pale these kids are. No one ever notices flying wolves. And no one ever offers counseling for being such emo fags. I call bullshit.
- Justin Bieber’s movie – part two, when they all turn 18, will finally contain a sex scene!
- Super 8 – this is an exact copy of E.T. Weird ugly alien lands on Earth, makes contact with one or two special people, and then flies home. This is the E.T. of this generation. People over 30 smelled duplicate a mile away.
- Rise of the Planet of the Apes – this movie shows how apes evolved to become people, even though people already existed, thus proving the idiot theory that we’re from apes is wrong. You’re a moron if you think humans evolved from Apes. That’s like saying the whale evolved from the dolphin. No. You’re a different creature, a product of the Earth and stardust, and you have your own unknown history that no one will ever know. Cesar is a pimp though. Go monkeys!
- Horrible Bosses – Jennifer Aniston becomes the hottest girl on Earth for 90 minutes. If you’re gay and a fan of the show “Friends” then this movie makes you become straight for a minute so you can rub one out to Jennifer Aniston’s character opposite Charlie from “Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” The real ending should be 95% of the movie in which Jennifer Aniston strips and has sex with the entire cast and myself. Myself first, of course, because after she does me, she’s not going to want anyone else. I’m just that good (because I’ll let her Rabbit do the work).
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