I'm gonna make your eyes bleed when I dance!
First of all, I don’t even watch Dancing with the Stars. I saw it once for about two minutes and decided that the show was stupid, it sucked, and it had absolute no point. Just like Rosie O’donnell on a diet – it’s completely pointless. Second of all, my first of all statement is true. You know it. I know it. We know it. DWTS sucks, but people love it anyway because they love to see dudes like Jerry Rice be all nimble on his toes. No. I’d rather see him back in his youth catching touchdown passes from Joe Montana.
Third of all, everyone else who makes a website, and claims to have the complete Dancing with the Stars 2012 cast list, is a complete jerkface because they make you scroll through ten pages of BS to get the list. There was maybe two websites who were smart enough to just give me the darn list right away. You know what? I am funny celebrity website number three.
Here is the complete list of Dancing with the Stars 2012 cast.
Following the real list, is the fake list that I came up with, and my list is much better.
- Nancy Grace – piggish looking loud mouth who somehow
suckedtalked her way into her own TV show. Do you think guys voluntarily want to hook up with her? I don’t, but she probably gets laid because guys just want her to shut up long enough to put the bag over her head. - Rob Kardashian – he is just as pointless and useless as his ugly talented Kardashian sisters.
- Ron Artest – this LA Laker NBA basketball playing moron wants to change his name to Metta World Peace. How about he changes it to “I’m an overpaid a$$hole who will look like a douche-bag with World Peace on a jersey.” Isn’t Ron Artest known to choke people?
- J.R. Martinez – he’s on some awful show titled “All My Children” that airs during the day, when only senior citizens and the unemployed can watch it. The show sucks and he probably does too. Otherwise he’d be on prime time, like Sons of Anarchy – a show that’s actually watchable.
- Chynna Phillips – she was in the funny Bridesmaids movie and she’s married to Billy Baldwin. If you marry a Baldwin, then you’re set. Baldwin gets inside you, then you get into a movie. That’s how it goes.
- Elisabetta Canalis – she’s been on the TV show Leverage a few times. She’s better known as the girl who got dumped by George Clooney. Hey, did you know George Clooney starred in Return of the Killer Tomatoes? Yup. He did!
- Kristin Cavallari – she was like, you know, on the Mtv show called The Hills and Laguna Beach. Totally hot girl.
- David Arquette - drunken ex husband of a Friends co-star, Courtney Cox. She’s hot. He’s a toolbag.
- Ricki Lake – last time I heard her name, she was still an overweight retired talk show host who stopped being watched on TV ten years ago. Why is she back?
- Hope Solo – hot girl from the United States women’s National Soccer team. She plays games with balls. That’s hot.
- Carson Kressley – Queer Eye for the dance guy. He won’t get turned on at all when he tosses girls by their buttocks. He probably would rather dance with Rob Kardashian, who is probably gay as well.
- Chaz Bono – I am certain that Chaz used to be a woman, but now IT’s a man, but I could be wrong because I cannot tell! Oh wait. I just looked at Chaz Bono pictures – that’s totally a butch lesbian looking dude. I think. I don’t know, and I don’t want to see it dancing with any stars either!
Here’s my suggested wishlist of celebrities who should dance with each other on Dancing with the Stars.
- Oprah Winfrey and Howard Stern…naked.
- Rosanne Barr and a Double Cheeseburger with a diet Coke.
- Tom Brady’s girlfriend and Peyton Manning.
- Michael Jordan and a giant bacon neck.
- Jared from Subway and an extra large pizza with meat lovers toppings.
- Olsen Twins and the Milton Twins.
- Justin Beiber and Tsimfuckis.
- Abraham Lincoln and Rosa Parks.
- Mel Gibson and that pack of N-Words he spoke of in his rant to Oksana Grigori.
- Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.
{ 0 comments… add one now }