DRIVER WITH KIDS IN TRUNK!

I’ll be damned. That looks like fun to a ten year old. I bet those kids feel so damn cool, that a hot desert couldn’t faze them in the daylight of July.

I was ten once and sat in the trunk of a truck (with a roof) and thought it was so much fun to look out all the windows, show my weenus to old ladies behind me, and act like a rebel.

What about you?

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I LOLed till my ass fell off

Thank you BoonDocks for accentuating on how hilarious prison rape is. Thank you again for spoofing the Scared Stiff/Straight, whatever the heck that show is. I wasn’t ever a fan of the show, but if this is the kind of comedy you provide, then I suppose I’ll start watching.

Anyone here think this video is funny?

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OCTOMOM PORN

EPIC EWWWWWWWW

News articles from real sources say that Octomom, Nadya Suleman, is filming a porno video. We suspect she did this due to her recent filing for bankruptcy.

I hope she uses her porn money to take a parenting and money management class, and stop acting like broke-ass ex-NBA player Allen Iverson.

Will I watch the video? No. It ranks up there with the Kim Kardashian sex tape in the sense that I have better things to do then watch some skankazoid single parent spread eagle and show a destroyed purple taco that birthed 8 bowling balls at once.

And sorry, if you thought you were going to see the Octomom Porn Video on this site, you are truly mistaken, but I’ll at least amuse you with a screen shot from the real film:

If you want to see a cave, then take a walk in the woods.

ps – she’s still better looking then the Kim Kardashian sex tape!

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The grandmas watch the Kim Kardashian sex tape and record their reaction. They talk about how bad Kim Kardashian is at sex, which I believe, because she sucks at everything.

I won’t even watch her sex tape because she just sucks at life so much and I have no interest in seeing her fat ass naked on film with Ray J. Props to you Ray J.

I’m sure there’s a Reggie Bush sex tape somewhere.

And also a. uh. well…who’s that no name basketball player she married? Oh. Kris Humphries. Yeah. He sucks too.

Next week Kim Karsuckian will probably have a Kanye West sex tape.

A month later, Kim the turd will probably be in an Octomom porn.

Octomom is an awful mother who ranks high on the bad parent charts. She’s right next to the bad parent who we call the tanning booth mom.

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I take no responsibility for this

I am sorry for what you’re about to watch. It is painfully internetastic. It will blow your mind. You will not ever think of a marshmallow or an otter the same way.

I apologize to the otters of the world.

And to the marshmallows, there’s a stick for everyone of you at my camp fire.

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Metro Bus 1 – Nick 0

Some dude Nick decided to jump in front of a Metro bus during the beginning of a foam sword fight. Nick is not the Hulk, so the bus pretty much pwned him.

Dear Nick, you got knocked the f*ck out!

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DON’T TRUST A HOOKER!

I have several problems with Dania Londono Suarez, the dirty prostitute who spilled beans about banging a secret service agent when she didn’t get paid.

1. You asked for $600 to $800, but you’re only worth about $100. If that includes anal.

2. You’re not really attractive. Colombian women are very beautiful, because I’ve met some in Columbia and the Bahamas, and you’re barely average. In fact, you’re ugly. You’re an average girl in Philly, home of the fatty cheesesteaks, cream cheese, and dirt pretzels sold on the street, kinda like you.

3. You called the police to tell them that you’re a hooker who got ripped off? Don’t you know that makes you both in trouble, AND you’re still not getting paid?

4. You complain that no one from the authorities has contacted you to hear your side of the story. Of course they didn’t. They don’t care about you. You’re just snotty stankass hooker. No one cares what you say or how you feel. You suck wangs for money, you have no opinion or story.

5. You said your life was ruined by this. Well wasn’t your life ruined when you sank to sex as a job? You wake up, blow ten dudes a day, gang bangs at night, and NOW your life is ruined?

Hooker please. Go back to your day job and stop being an attention whore.

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YOU’RE ALL IDIOTS

Once you watch this video and realize that this is part of a dating game spoof video, then you’re going to feel like a complete idiot for thinking this is even remotely racist.

You know what was racist? 20-30 black dudes beating up some white chump and saying “That’s for Trayvon!” Oh, but the media doesn’t blow that up, because then the media will be called racist.

This commercial is a joke and he is portraying a character, and he’s doing it quite well, and it’s called “being in character.”

What happened? Did the media have nothing else to put a fake spin on this week? Has the media got bored of butchering the Trayvon Martin case?

Should I call Edward Norton racist for playing a skinhead in American History X, and assume Edward Norton is a real life skin head? No, because that’s stupid. He was portraying a character. No one is called Edward Norton racist over his role in a movie, so why are people calling Ashton racist in his role in a funny video?

If you want to call Mel Gibson racist, then maybe I can understand your point after hearing his racist rants of rage.

But Ashton Kutcher? No. Ashton Kutcher is not being racist in his funny video. He is being hilarious.

Do you think Ashton Kutchers funny video is racist?

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This is why you’re 40 and single.

You’re that oblivious that you can’t tell what a giant news camera looks like?  And that dweeb with the microphone doesn’t set off any clues? And once you finally realize what it is, you keep spitting on the camera? And I’ve just began three sentences in a row with the word AND.

Ugh. You bring me down. I refuse to believe you’re trolling to be funny and have accepted the fact that you’re just a purple shirted moron.

Go spit somewhere else you nasty old hag!

Do you think she kisses her kids with that mouth?

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TANNING BOOTH MOM

Dear Patricia Krentcil, the tanning booth mom from Nutley New Jersey, you are an idiot.

You’re not attractive. You’re not natural. You’re not smart.

You look like bacon and I think that’s an insult to bacon, because I’d rather do a horizontal dance with a package of burnt bacon then getting next to you.

You are accused of putting your child into a tanning booth. You should be charged with being a colorblind and delusional idiot who thinks overtanned weight lifter coloring looks good. It doesn’t.

Tanning salons should be shut down, because they’re just a waste of time and they’re no good for us.

As quoted by Patricia Krentcil of Nutley New Jersey…

“Never in my life would I endanger my child by putting her in a tanning booth. I’m not dumb,” she said before her scheduled hearing. Outside court, she called herself “a wonderful mother.”

Proof that you are, indeed, a dummy.

Read the full story on Fox News.

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Welcome to May 1st.
I’m watching the Flyers and Devils game while updating Crankers.com.

I am also topless.

Here’s some random hotlinks!

Enjoy the visual of me topless.

1. Nom Nom Monster turns a cute baby into a slimy German thought.
2. Epic Fail video from the bluest site on the web, EHOWA.
3. Final Dark Knight Rises Trailer. Listen at the end for… “this isn’t a carrrr.”
4. I can see you wearing this funny shirt at a bar.
5. When you’re drunk, don’t mess with the wrong driver.
6. Looking for a new car? How about the best car ad ever?
7. The funniest CBS documentary about The Homosexuals!
8. Rare pictures of Daniel Tosh Mom.
9. 6 disturbing questions your kids might ask about movies.
10. Things cats do for revenge on their owners.

ps. I’m a guy. But since I said I was topless, you probably hoped I was a woman. Just like you imagined and laughed at the picture of the kid eating poop. It’s really cake.

Aren’t we warped?

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Mom always said to BE NICE!

Did your Mom always tell you to be nice? Mine did. She told me to be especially nice to girls. But then I realized that girls always say “I just want a nice guy” and they always end up with a douche bag!

Then the girl turns into a pathetic LifeTime movie.

So for all those girls out there, you need to run into this guy from the Drive-By Compliments video, because he truly is a nice guy.

I wish people in my town were nicer, because people in my town are ASSHOLES!

What are people in your town like? Are they nice?

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Oh shut up, you know it’s funny.

You were thinking the exact same thing about this funny terrorist meme picture.

Now tell me some other stereotypes to make a meme out of!

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Smart Phone + Beer = Facebook Fail

Sorry guy, but you’ve just been embarrassed on the Internet. Why would you let your friends tag you in this!?

Send me your funny facebook fail pictures!

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LIKE A BOSS

Bear not really on trampoline. Bear got tranquilized because he was hiding in a neighbors tree and waiting for the neighbor to go to work so the bear could steal the honey from the cupboard. That’s partly true. But this funny bear picture is a good target for some funny photoshop pics.

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Some cats have all the luck

And some cats do nothing but complain. But this little kitty attacks their automatic feeder.

Imagine how the automatic feeder feels. Keeps the cat fed and gets smacked around in return. Sounds like an Italian woman from New Jersey.

BadumTssssssssss

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This is how people are in real life.

Stupid. Idiots. Facebook lunatics.

Look, I’m so close to being a witty rapper! NOT!

Who is the last person whom you’ve unfriended?

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Sup Bro. I’m a funny dog picture.

No you’re not. You’re the result of an idiot dog owner with a gay pink shirt.

What is the chance that this picture was taken by some gay douchebag male who owns a matching pink polo shirt, probably spray tans, and also has spiked hair and a little dong?

If the dog knew any better (proof evolution theory is fake), then it would rip this shirt off and kill its owner.

Please tell me what stereotyped person has taken this terrible fake funny dog picture.

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Chris Brown is a Waste of Skin

And if you’re a Chris Brown fan, then you’re garbage too.

Go to hell you wife beating supporters of trash.

Who the hell voted for this scumbag to win a grammy?

Do you like Chris Brown?

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Tracy likes Sex! OH NO! ME TOO!

Call the Facebook Fail teachers. Tracy needs a lesson in modern social networking websites.

It’s ok Tracy, we all like sex too. Except for women who fake orgasms because they’re too uncomfortable telling a guy what to do. Or…the guy just sucks at sex, unlike me, because I am awesome at the sex.

Survey – do you think Tracy fakes her orgasms?

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When you see it…

Maybe we should retake that family photo. Don’t you think? Accidental penis photobomb caused by an arm. Hmmm…take two!

Send me your funny photobombs and mishaps.

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Be proud of your kid

Because when they finally pull a funny prank, you should just be glad they’re not gay.

What’s the funniest thing you’ve done to your parent/s?

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Tupac was in Star Wars

Gotta love current technology and how we’re able to literally make someone appear as if they were in a movie.

Someone tell me what program this guy used to fuse these clips together while editing out the background. There’s a million funny things you can make appear out of R2D2 in Star Wars!

What would you put in this funny video? Tell me below!

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Congratulations for being black teens

And to the person who posted that on Facebook, congrats on beginning your comedy tour in Alabama. I’m sure you own a few white conehead hats. Tyrone does not look happy. Epic Facebook fail.

What was this girl thinking?

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It’s da Teeth yo!

Uh. Really? Yeah, we get it. LiL Wayne looks like an artifact. But this is funny because you know LiL Wayne is wearing bedazzled glitter pants like he usually does.

Why does LiL Wayne wear weird pants?

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I see what you did there…

Looks like I’ll be back as an Asian in my next life. I’ll probably be smarter, work harder,  and have a smaller penis, but at least I won’t give away the fact that I’m walking on f*cking sunshine every day of the week.

What’s the highest you’ve ever gotten?

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CAPTION THIS!

No really, funniest caption wins bragging rights and a bra from Sydney Crosby. Add your caption in the comments.

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OH YOUTUBE, YOU’RE SO CLEVER

This is how you dub 200% Nigga over some random guy’s video on YouTube and it comes out like a hit. By the way, that random guy is DiscoSean. He’s a real life safari native who traveled the world to get to America and make YouTube videos. He is also known as ManBungo.

Look him up. He’s usually in a loin cloth.

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True Story

This is what happens when adults enroll at night school.

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People in New York are Dirty!

There’s a reason that I think New York City is the most disgusting place on the planet, and this big turd of a woman is the perfect example.

Add her to the mix of 6 foot trash piles, dirty pollution and germ filled air, bums, moron tourists who came to realize in person that they hate New York, and the rats in Times Square – and you have a place that should get firebombed once per year.

Sorry New Yorkers, but Times Square is a pile of sh*t, and so are the idiot tourists who came to a city to get sh*t on for a $7 almond crunch bar.

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