First of all, I don’t even watch Dancing with the Stars. I saw it once for about two minutes and decided that the show was stupid, it sucked, and it had absolute no point. Just like Rosie O’donnell on a diet – it’s completely pointless. Second of all, my first of all statement is true. [...]

Take your bubbles outside. Blow bubbles. Then put the monkey down. Next, take some actual bubbles outside when it’s cold out. It should probably be cold enough to snow. If not, I suppose you could try this in your freezer like I did. You put the bubble on the bubble wand and let it sit [...]

Can’t. Stop. Blinking! What if someone plays a prank on Jonathan Post and disables the buttons that stop him from blinking so fast? Or staples this to his head when he’s sleeping? What if his eyes keep blinking when he removes the apparatus and he sees everything in double 3D? He could totally see 3D [...]

This is all quoted from another website, but it’s the same exact epic Whole Foods resignation letter floating around the net, that every other website has clearly shown, but of course you see it here first 300th.! “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” Dear Whole Foods [...]

You cannot look me in the eyes, with a straight face, and not tell me that this girl doesn’t do weird freaky sex acts when she’s home alone. If you ever try to tell me that she’s innocent and does nothing, I will seriously beat you with a cat. You know damn well that there’s [...]

He made $400.05 bucks last night. Guess what he did? Uh. Nope. Not acting! Not weight lifting. Not being on sound boards. You’ll have to read the picture, then close your eyes and visualize it!

Jimmy Kimmel hosted the roast of Pam Anderson. Every five minutes I was reminded about how Tommy Lee’s cocknballs resembled an elephant trunk, Courtney Love is a violent drug abused crackhead whore, Andy Dick likes dick, Bea Arthur has a penis, and Lisa Lampanelli is probably the fattest, ugliest, least funny girl who sounds like [...]

I am so sick of hearing about Betty White. She’s annoying. She’s not funny. She’s gross. She’s old. She sucks. Fuck Betty White. Fuck her idea of making a pin up calendar to raise money for animals. If you want to raise money for animals, then use attractive girls; not a gray haired dinosaur who [...]

Really Mom? You dressed me up like a f*cked up little Ronald McDonald and talked about how cute I am, even though people walking by shielded their eyes because I looked like a creepy f*cking retard? Either you’re a comedian and thought this was funny, or you’re just an a$$hole. I’m going with comedian, because [...]

Philly. I grew up here. Lived, learned, and loved everything about it. Except one thing. Half of the people here. Why is it that at least half of the people here are d-bags? I get it. You’re huge. But does that mean you have to stand in the entire doorway when someone else is walking [...]