My little buddy the Happy Hippo decides that drinking coffee and eating laxatives on Family Day at the zoo is a great idea as he explodes his butt all over the place. It's pretty nasty, so make sure you eat a nice meal and drink chocolate milk as you watch this cute animal video from the zoo. And stop writing

Dear Job, I no longer like you. You treat me like a battered wife. I am not some girl in a Lifetime movie - I WILL ACTUALLY LEAVE YOU! So here I am, with my own terrible marching band, to inform you that I quit my job as soon as the drum roll kicks in. And....a 1, a 2, and

F this. It’s a bad movie about a bad movie. Here’s a great idea – take the The first Human Centipede movie, which was terrible, and make a movie about it. Then make the main character an old naked Hobbit and you’ve got yourself another banned movie in the UK that will only appeal to [...]

Let’s talk about President Obama, the heckler, and the awful attempt at comedic relief. I’ll use a checklist so it’s streamlined and seems official, kinda like that time you thought you accomplished something important at work when the boss asked if anyone had any suggestions on how to improve the conditions of the company, and [...]

Making a more meaningful fake endings to a fake unbelievable movie only makes the movie better. This opens Pandora’s box on how other movies should have ended. I got a whole list of fake movie endings in my head. In fact, I wish I was an animator because then I could create my own awesome [...]

Human Centipede, the worst movie ever, now has the best toy ever. Imagine placing this on your mantle at Christmas? Or how about surprising grandma with a present on her birthday? Nothing says I love you better then three naked bloddy dolls performing the surgical procedure best known as ass to mouth! Yo, where can [...]

Would you pay $6000 to have a creepy human sized life like doll delivered to your house? What if I told you it had useable parts. Yeah, you know, you can stick your banana in her peach pit if you know what I mean. Watch this video about these lifelike dolls and then tell me [...]

This is all quoted from another website, but it’s the same exact epic Whole Foods resignation letter floating around the net, that every other website has clearly shown, but of course you see it here first 300th.! “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” Dear Whole Foods [...]

Did R2D2 get put back together? I wonder what happens when she watches SAW IV or The Human Centipede.

[nggallery id=10] It’s Friday and I’m about to head to the Jersey Shore. I’m not going to Seaside Heights where the Jersey Shore cast hangs out, but rather a much cleaner and guido free part of New Jersey. I’ll be at *** **** **** checking out girls who are actually attractive, unlike Deena Cortese. Deena [...]

Dear Future Ex Wife, I am sorry that my muscles are so big that my four incher cannot penetrate you. My thigh muscles can split watermelons. My biceps tear notebooks. My pecs peck. I can’t even see my feet because my chest muscles are so big. You may have thought that a human this large [...]

There’s an 8 year old wrestler with a mohawk who is apparently the best 8 year old wrestler in town. Max Thompson saw this and wrote: Poulin is more intimidating than most NFL linebackers. He has more raw brute strength per pound than most North American bears.* 1. No he is not more intimidating than [...]

Lebron James ditched Cleveland for Miami. Why wouldn’t he? Cleveland sucks. Who cares if it’s home to him. Miami has hot Cuban girls running around looking for dick, Cleveland has hoodrats. Miami has two stud players who can score on anyone. Cleveland does not have sh*t but a Delonte West the ugly douchebag motherf*cker who [...]

If Laurence Fishburne doesn’t put on the Morpheus glasses at least once, then I’m going to be upset. But not as upset as I am with the Predators. I’m confused about this movie because they’re hunting humans. But didn’t the Predators and humans work together in Alien Vs. Predator? I’m pretty sure they did, but [...]

Philly. I grew up here. Lived, learned, and loved everything about it. Except one thing. Half of the people here. Why is it that at least half of the people here are d-bags? I get it. You’re huge. But does that mean you have to stand in the entire doorway when someone else is walking [...]