It's the end of the world as we know it...
Wrong
Marty Lempkin Commercials make ugly people smarter!
Thank you Discovery Channel for helping me discover the cure to my ugly, slow, outbreak ridiculed, 30 less brain cells then average, dumb as a brick life. Now with Energy Blaster 3000, I can cure everything that’s wrong with me. In fact, I even cured homelessness on a bum down at the boulevard last night. [...]
posted by: jack in Videos
Of course you were part of a shark attack video.
Ironically, this is shark safety video in the making, but it goes wrong when the beer bellied Hawaiian looking dude decides holding a beer can and a shark at the same time makes him look cool. No, you just look like a fat alcoholic. Put the beer down for a minute, make the shark attack [...]
posted by: jack in Videos
Dancing with the Stars Cast List with Nancy Grace? GTFO!
First of all, I don’t even watch Dancing with the Stars. I saw it once for about two minutes and decided that the show was stupid, it sucked, and it had absolute no point. Just like Rosie O’donnell on a diet – it’s completely pointless. Second of all, my first of all statement is true. [...]
posted by: jack in Videos
Minka Kelly and Derek Jeter break up; Yankees still suck!
NO ONE CARES! Wait. I’m wrong. Which doesn’t really ever happen. But I am wrong. PEOPLE DO CARE! You know who cares? Me, because now I know who Minka Kelly is going to date next, because I am her next boyfriend, aka, boy toy. I can tell you this – my bat is bigger then [...]
posted by: jack in Pics
Fat Carrie Fisher got skinny. I didn’t even know she was fat.
Holy crap! Carrie Fisher must have weighed like 250-300lbs. How could cute Princess Leia, with those cute little curly cinnamon buns on her head and hot space madness bikini, get so fat that she actually looks like Jabba the Hut? How many donuts and space worms did she eat on a daily basis? Hey Luke, [...]
posted by: jack in Pics
Harry Potter’s new ending and other Movie Nonsense
Making a more meaningful fake endings to a fake unbelievable movie only makes the movie better. This opens Pandora’s box on how other movies should have ended. I got a whole list of fake movie endings in my head. In fact, I wish I was an animator because then I could create my own awesome [...]
posted by: jack in Videos
Epic Whole Foods resignation letter
This is all quoted from another website, but it’s the same exact epic Whole Foods resignation letter floating around the net, that every other website has clearly shown, but of course you see it here first 300th.! “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” Dear Whole Foods [...]
posted by: jack in Blog
Bootleg fireworks gone wrong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpwThIYrDnY This is what happens when you can’t read the directions – an epic display of fireworks chasing every neighbor in town! LAWD JESUS CHRIST GET THE WATTA NIGGA!
posted by: jack in Videos
I hope you like pain!
So this is where the Black Bruce Lee video originates from! I’ve always wondered if there were more to that video then meets the eye. Can anyone explain why the second guy is fighting a Lincoln Log covered in dildos? Either he’s doing it wrong or that tool was meant for a crowd of horny [...]
posted by: jack in Videos
Max Thompson from Yahoo has it all wrong!
There’s an 8 year old wrestler with a mohawk who is apparently the best 8 year old wrestler in town. Max Thompson saw this and wrote: Poulin is more intimidating than most NFL linebackers. He has more raw brute strength per pound than most North American bears.* 1. No he is not more intimidating than [...]
posted by: jack in Videos
This will make you uncomfortable
She ain’t even excited. Just like normal people, she lays there while he does all the work. Can you feel it now? No. Ok, how about now? How long until she says “wrong hole”? This is as entertaining as the raccoon sex tape. Oh wait, that was Paris Hilton in night vision.
posted by: jack in Videos
Yuch it in a Bucket
Deer Park that’s good water. I don’t want to do this. Me either. Dad should stop feeding you. Yuck-it in a bucket. Why the f*ck are we in a bucket? This water is oil free. Puerto Rican hot tub. Skinniest hose I’ve ever seen; looks like a long straw. Watching turtles f*ck is sexier than [...]
posted by: jack in Pics
Breaking News – Rejected Peta Mascot Commits Suicide
Just kidding. It’s just a creepy ham cartoon in a foreign language. Looks French…but I could be wrong for once, which is more rare than you seeing a comet every time you jack off under the stars. Does anyone know what this says? Does anyone care? Will Peta be upset that I placed this image [...]
posted by: jack in Pics
Eddy Curry is an A-hole
Just read on Ball Don’t Lie the list of Eddy Curry’s monthly expenses and decided that he is a complete a-hole who does not deserve a multimillion dollar contract as a member of the New York Knicks, especially considering he played in only a handful of games last year, which was only a handful more [...]
posted by: jack in Videos
News Flash – Soulja Boy sucks dong at making music.
Do people really listen to this crap? Crank Dat was bad, awful even, and people who liked that song obviously have a low IQ and no sense of music. I can already tell you that the typical Soulja Boy fan probably flips fries while wearing a sideways Burger King hat and fake silver grills. Or [...]
posted by: jack in Videos